oh my gosh said the squash

Lent

2012-02-22T09:13:00.002+08:00

It's my first Lent away from home. Went to church alone at the crack of dawn, all the while worrying that my taxi driver would kidnap me. But he's a good guy, and I made it to church safely.

I've been wondering why as troublesome as it was, I've been wanting to go to church. Alone. I think I'm always trying to be a good Christian, at least I'd like to think so. And while I'm not even half as devoted as my sister is, I think I am not too bad. Of course I can always improve and all.

So yes, church alone. Made me feel a little sad and all the repressed homesick feelings came rushing back in one go. I don't cry anymore but I was close to that today. You would think that it gets easier but no. It just gets a little easier to ignore but it's always there.

Thinking of giving up gossiping, as I say every year. This year however, I haven't been gossiping as much. Maybe I'll give up being judgmental instead. I'm so judgmental I already judge people before I know their names. Yes it's that bad. I can't help it if people give me something to JUDGE without even saying anything.

Blessed Lent everyone. Let the fasting begin.

toodles

tia

i run the road that isn't easy

2012-02-21T12:28:00.000+08:00

I cannot imagine breaking up with Jon. I know I say to a lot of people I want to end it but truth is I really don't want to.

Twenty months together and I've completely forgotten what it was like before I was with him. If we were to end things now a lot of you would hate me because I'm a wreck when I'm down. And I will be.

Okay I don't want to dampen spirits. I was just curious. FYI, doesn't mean we're having problems and what not so boohoo.

I went clubbing last Friday. This one was definitely more fun than the last one. But I honestly don't see myself doing this a lot. It's sad but I've always preferred cuddling and watching TV together than going out. It was fun, no doubt, but it just made me miss Jon. It wasn't half as fun when random guys dance with you. Also, I smelt so bad afterwards. It was gross. Wouldn't go two three nights in a row though.

Thinking of posting pictures but I look super wasted in them though I swear all I had was one shot. Babi.

Sorry, my thoughts are rambling. I just finished lab and I needed to think and write.

toodles

tia

//edit

On a side note, I'm super addicted to Tetris now. I can barely function without playing it and I fear my grades will drop. And yes, my results were good enough to qualify to transfer. SUCK ON THAT.

home is where i want to be

2012-02-13T23:50:00.002+08:00

Could not help but feel really upset when I said goodbye to my family at the airport. I had to swallow my tears and get on it with it because I can't live with my mum forever. As much as I'd like to.

I'd like to seem brave and all but when I think about leaving Corn behind I just can't.

I hope our future husbands know we plan to live together for a while ala Kardashians Taking New York.

I was really upset on the plane and even when I touched down at the airport. I hate planes and I especially hate being on them alone. After it landed, Corn texted me and I felt better. And then the Alien shows up and he proceeds to become my driver, albeit a nagging one. I really, REALLY felt much better after that.

Got to campus late and the moment I got into the dorm, Ranee screeched my name and hugged me. There was a bit of a hurry as I threw everything in and then I went to class. But even then I didn't fail to see what they glued above my bed.

I wasn't expecting anything so this was just. Magical. And Ranee was begging me to give a reaction (so Korean) so I gave one. Four hours later. XD

That and she got me Philip's signature. X) I can't. I was so bummed about missing Wong Fu and she got him to write my name (so he spelled it wrong. STILL GOT AUTOGRAPH) Can't say how much this means to me.

She and Grace has been working on the surprise with Corn's help. You have no idea how touched I was. And although I could not express it, I'm really, really grateful.

I still miss my soulmate though. I really do.

See you in three weeks. Minus your Alien.

toodles

tia

am I that easy?

2012-02-09T20:57:00.001+08:00

I found the father of my children if Jaejoong can't father them.

Yeah, he's really not good looking so I had to settle for this picture of him. In shades. But oh my ovaries when he smiles it's like. An explosion.

Actually I have a whole list of Korean boy-idols that will father my children. But this guy. This is Seungho, leader of Rain's protege group MBLAQ. He really is the least good looking guy of the group, my biases were Joon and G.O at first. But this boy is a real bad boy. He's such a moody boy and he looks like he needs love.

Which excites me. Please don't ask. I've always liked the brooding type.

But he is completely different around children. He's all smiles and he so obviously adores kids that I just can't. IT'S A REAL TURN ON. Excited to waste more time on Hello Baby with MBLAQ now.

And just so that they won't feel bad, a picture of the two men I love the most in my life as of now. Excluding my dad, Jesus and God. And grudgingly, Maseford.

I will always be a Jaejoong freak. And a DB5K fan.

Finally his hair has grown enough so that I can

Skype with him without making mean comments.

I don't know why I have to keep preparing surprises if most of the people I'm surprising do not reciprocate. I've spent more money on you people than myself, so please shove your surprises down your throats and let me do my own thing.

toodles

tia

can you hear this song?

2012-02-06T00:02:00.001+08:00

FAT.

Maybe you don't get why this word has such a strong effect on me. Every time someone says that to me, I get freaked out. I can't deal with it.

Why? For 99.999% of my life I have been stick skinny. I have always been underweight. Is it unhealthy? Yes. But I have always been accustomed to my body being that way. So when people say I'm fat or I have put on weight, it throws my world off balance momentarily. It makes me think and do crazy things.

Twice has the fat word been used against me my whole life. Both this year. And it stings. When I was the one who thought I was fat the urge to stop eating was there but I could always stop it after a while. Now after the fat comment I wanted to stop eating and survive on hard-boiled eggs and apples only. If only I could though. My body really isn't what it used to be.

I know what you're thinking. You're wondering my confidence is tied to my physical appearance. Why I care so much about how I look. Why I'm so vain.

Well okay, this is not me defending myself. I fully fess up to the fact that my self worth is tied to my image.

Once upon a time I told a boy I liked him. He was so. At my age back then, he was beautiful. Tall and. Well that was it I guess. Tall. But I really liked him. Even now, I think I still have a bit of a thing for him. Anyways, I got to talking with him and of course I eventually told him how I felt about him.

He told me he wasn't interested in me. Because I was not pretty.

Given that back then I didn't know how to use contact lenses and I wore baggy jeans most of the time. I was outgrowing the Tomboy phase. I do think, however, that he shouldn't have said that. I will never forget that, nor will I forgive him.

Just so you know, you ruined my perception of self worth after that.

I thought then that people would only talk to me if I looked good. If I looked like crap then no one would want to be my friend. Hence looking good became sort of a priority to me. A manic obsession if you will. See it's very easy to make me feel shitty, just insult me about how I look. Maybe that's why I'm always so bitchy and judgmental. I try not to be but I just can't help it.

I'm not defending myself. This is just something I've thought about for a long time. It's something Corn suggested when I was feeling crappy once and I think it has merit to it.

Guess I've gotta learn to get over this.

Turned out to be one heck of a long blog post.

toodles

tia

if only the summer could reveal

2012-02-01T21:55:00.001+08:00

Kids these days are so rude. Really. I don't understand how they can act like such idiots. It's beyond me.

You see today I went to. Well something that required me being in the presence of a lot of 16 year olds. There was one particular kid that stood out. Pretty, i'll give you that. And she can sing. Also she was rather friendly. Almost too friendly, given that we'd just met and I am four years older.

As the day progressed she began to act as though we were the best of friends. She couldn't keep her mouth shut and she was constantly talking back.

The last straw was when she "portrayed" an angry girl. Girl, let me tell you, none of us save Elisa thought you were portraying a character. I felt as though you were screaming in my face and you were letting loose since we all had a go at you for your manners and your inability to take orders.

Everyone was shocked and pissed. Okay la, I was pissed, dunno if anyone else was. And that was why I shouted at you. How can you be so rude? Do you not possess an ounce of respect, if not for me, then at least for my sister? You made me want to slap you across your face. That was not funny and it was inappropriate.

Was I this rude to my seniors before? Actually I think there might have been one occasion. Standing under the bleeding hot sun and shouting something rude to the senior scouts training us for the marching competition. Seven years back I think. But whatever la, I hated the bloody seniors back then. Dictators and we lost all the competitions in which they were the ones training us. We actually won when we took over and used democracy. Yeah I'm aware I sound like I'm blowing my horn. It's a fact though, we won. So suck on that.

So yeah. Don't understand she was so rude. I don't give a rats ass if you're a new kid or if your dad is a lawyer or if you own a mansion that's three times bigger than my house. You need to learn some manners. Maybe you can use some of your money to pay for etiquette lessons. And to lose some weight.

toodles

tia

i want you to know that

2012-01-29T12:34:00.001+08:00

i really wish i could ignore it but i cant. not anymore

20

2012-01-28T00:54:00.001+08:00

I have been truly and well surprised. Spoilt as well. My twentieth birthday was spectacular, in its own way.

XD they generated a meme in my honour, named Paranoid Cath. You wont get it cause it's mostly inside jokes but it is really good. I was laughing and crying at the same time.

XD isn't it. Wow.

And this is for my JYJ nonsense XD

Oh yeah, they also got me an external hard drive. Very good. Thoroughly spoiled.

And my boyfriend? He got me chocolates. I know, it doesn't seem like much. I thought so too. The real present came a few minutes ago. He bought enough talk time and another phone so that he can call me all the way from UK. For six hours straight, if I want to. It seems like a small thing but that made me tear up as well. This is Jon being romantic XD

Also. A few texts made me tear up as well. The forthcoming wishes will be much appreciated but the first few was special. Also the phone call. Made me feel special.

Twenty. Huh. Hit the twos already. Its you and I, Corn. Is the world ready for the two of us?

toodles

tia

truly blessed

you can have the energy

2012-01-24T16:29:00.000+08:00

Here's what I think is wrong with me. These days I'm finding it increasingly harder to tolerate people I hate.

If before I could sit through a meal with them and be all smiles, I find it impossible now to do so. It's as though my body can't even stand to be in the same room as the person.

The way I see it is if i don't like you, then I can write you off. I can pretend you don't exist and I don't need to think about you. I do think that by doing this I'm squandering away the meager amount of friends I do have now but I just can't pretend anymore. I feel like I've written this before.

Maybe what I think is wrong. Maybe people deserve second chances. And heck, maybe the people who I think are my friends don't really like me. The thing is, I don't think it affects me anymore. I really couldn't care less about what you think about me. For so long I have tried to suppress what I really feel, to the point where I believe people think they can push me around. No you can't.

If you don't like me, too bad. I don't give a shit about what you think. Do you find me arrogant and bitchy? It's up to you. You find me sweet and kind? Your call. I can't be bothered to help you figure out who I am anymore. I've laid out the foundation of any friendship, you can choose to take it or leave it.

I just can't keep pretending like I'm okay with things when I'm not. I'm tired and I have my limits. I'm not afraid of being alone. I know I will never be alone. I have my family, I have Corn if you all walk out on me.

So really. I mean it when I say I will write you off my life.

That includes bestfriends or should I say ex bestfriends. What is the deal with bestfriends anyway? They're never there when you actually need them. And most of the time they're the ones who talking shit about you behind your back. Yes, fucker, I meant that for you.

toodles

tia

warm under the blankets

2012-01-20T11:38:00.001+08:00

I really can't seem to find pictures of me looking halfway decent =.=

This is the only picture of the four of us that I can find. Probably cause half the time one of us has to take the picture or someone won't be there *cough* dating *cough*

I was so scared I wouldn't fit in, that I wouldn't make friends, or that my housemates would pull an ANTM-ish thing on me. But I have been so, so blessed to find such good people, to actually have made friends here. These girls have become the one reason as to why it's bearable here.

The day I met my roommate and found out she was from Sabah as well. The relief. And then slowly getting to know everyone. I've met a ton of people here, but none of them has become quite the friends that these three girls have been to me. These girls have cooked for me, brought me on a trip around KL and welcomed me into her home. And me being me. Well. I give them a lot of moral support!

Again, truly blessed. I won't be forgetting them in a hurry.

toodles

tia

you don't say

2012-01-15T12:18:00.000+08:00

I’m not your back-up friend. Do you understand me?

I’m not someone you go to when you need a shoulder to cry onwhen you have NEVER been there for me when I was crying. Case in point? Highschool. If ever I needed someone it was then. Where were you?

I’m not someone you look for when your girlfriend /boyfriend / other bestfriend is not available. Screw you if you look for menon-stop ONLY when you have a problem or when you have no one else. I can benice and accommodating but when I need a friend and you’re not there then screwyou.

Hard to believe it but it hurts. You know how I’ve beentrying to be there to help you but you don’t really care or see it, do you? Youtalk to everyone else about it as well, and I don’t know, maybe I haven’t beenas nice as they have been. That’s why you go around thanking everyone but me.And yes, you want to go out with everyone but me. That hurts la.

And I’m tired of trying to be good to you. You don’t give arats ass about me at all. So fine, have it your way.

toodles

tia

and youre in it just to break my heart

2012-01-12T20:20:00.002+08:00

I am very annoyed. I came out of my Genetics exam and washit in the face with cigarette smoke.

For goodness sake do you really feel the need to pollute theair the moment you get out of the exam hall? I don’t get it at all. It’sdisgusting and it’s horrible.

Before I came to Notts I was relatively very tolerant ofsmokers. I see you smoking, as long as you don’t come near me I’m fine. I meanit’s not my body, not my money so I really couldn’t care less. But then when I cameto Notts something just ticked me off.

They claim that this is a non-smoking campus and yeteverywhere you go these idiots are puffing away as though they own the campus.The worse is when the smoke in the cafeteria, people eat there, genius. It’sgross, the smell alone makes me feel like I’m going to throw up. No I am not beingdramatic, sometimes the whole outside cafeteria seems to be enveloped in smoke.Wth.

I hate smokers. I cannot stand them, I can’t stand the waythey smell.

look at that. there's freaking ammonia in a cigarette. TRACES OF PEE.

You know what it does to you and you continue smoking. You’reburning a hole in your pocket and your lungs. It’s stupid. I saw a guy smokingand complain at the same time about how hard it was to climb a flight ofstairs. Maybe if you weren’t sucking the life out of the cigarette you wouldn’tfeel that way.

Why am I so annoyed I have no idea. Maybe the paper suckedand then the person blowing smoke that hit me aggravated le pent up anger. Ijust know I felt like strangling every single person I saw today with a stickin their hands.

Oh and FYI, if you claim to hate smoking but you’re all “OHMYGODI WANT TO GO SHISHA!” on your wall you’re an idiot. Shisha is a whole lot worsethan cigarettes. When I see people on Facebook posting stuff like that up I feellike shooting them. Half the time they’re just nobodies trying to fit in.

Yes good point. Why should I care? Allow me to stuff theirlungs with a thousand cigarettes and then let me light it. What was that, itsnot enough. Well by all means, lets make it ten thousand then.

toodles

tia

but if i tell the world, i'll never say enough

2012-01-09T00:21:00.000+08:00

At the church I go to here in Kajang, there is this familythat I always watch. They’re Eurasians and they only have sons, no daughtersfrom what I can observe. No, I don’t watch them because they’re eye candy. Oneof their sons has Down syndrome I think. I watch him throughout the mass and sometimeswhat they do makes me feel a little sad.

He looks at his father with that kind of blank, kind ofbemused look on his face. He has no sense at all of the surroundingenvironment. But he always seems so happy and oblivious. One time I caught himstaring at his father, waiting for the father to pay attention to him. When thefather did, he seemed exasperated, and not a little weary. It must be reallydifficult to take care of someone.

If I was in their shoes, I don’t know if I would be able totake it. I don’t know if I’d be able to act normal when other people stare atmy kid. Suddenly I remember a group of us calling Jordana Down Syndrome kidback in form four. We thought it was so funny, the joke went on all the waytill we were form five. But it’s actually really saddening.

Anyways, enough of this stuff. Tomorrow, or should I say inabout twelve hours from now, I will be sitting for Animal Physiology. Despitethe long hours I spend every day at the library I don’t feel confident. Bloodynegative marking, I really don’t understand the logic behind it. Hopefully I dookay, I’ve been working my ass off. The proof? I’ve gotten sick. Fever andgastric in one go. Thank God for Ranee’s mum, she got me medicine. ISNT MYHOUSEMATE AWESOME?

Hoping I’ll get through this week okay. Jon’s going back =”(And I won’t get to see him off. =”( I have a few papers on this week, one ofwhich is Genetics. I hate Genetics. Really. I got my data report back and I got22/25, which is. Okay, I guess. But the pressure is on. I saw someone elsescoring 24/25 and I’m like =.=’ because some of those questions were reallyshit.

Not long till I go home now. I can’t believe Effjay islearning to drive before I am. Walrus is going to pay for this nonsense.

i can't quite believe i drew this XD bloody exam requires drawing

and this will be the cause of my inability to get kids in the future *knock wood* ITS SENGET LA OK

toodles

tia

and i, i send you my best

2012-01-05T00:50:00.001+08:00

What have I been doing since I got back to Nottingham?Study. I kid you not.

The annoying thing about studying is that it makes youincredibly hungry. All the time. On Tuesday I couldn’t snack on anythingbecause my cubicle was so conveniently in plain view of everyone.

Today I got a better place. So Ranee and I sneaked in potatochips and famous amos cookies. We ate throughout the afternoon, the plan was tocontinue well into the night snacking.

So there we were, snacking. Grace came down from the thirdfloor and sat on the floor between our cubicles, passing the cookies and chipsto and fro. I pop one cookie into my mouth and start chewing when this womancomes all of a sudden from behind the bookshelves, pointing at the food.

Of course I panicked, I started chewing furiously, turningaway from her. The woman went straight for Grace. I didn’t manage to hear whatshe said. The only thing I remember was Grace saying, “We weren’t eating!”

And the woman shook the almost empty tub of chips and said, “Butit’s almost empty.”

I thought it was funny but obviously I couldn’t laugh. Whenshe finally left I turned to Grace and she was bright red. The three of uslaughed for so long for God knows what reason. And then Grace said we couldclaim the food back later on. The two of us didn’t want to.

But Ranee was like, ‘I’m going to take it!’

This girl is so thick faced xD That was funnier than thewhole ordeal I think.

And now thanks to Ranee, we have the cookies and almost emptytub of chips. And I’m dead sleepy. I should be turning in soon, at any rate, I’msleeping earlier than I did yesterday.

I miss home. I miss how I had a reason to slack. I miss thepeople I left behind, again. I wish I could’ve stayed until the very lastpossible date but then again. My books missed me too much.

Especially wish I had more time with Jon. This time it’sgoing to be five months, I’m going to be the most unbearable girlfriend /friend ever. I really can’t deal with the distance. Twas good having Jon back,everything seemed almost back to normal then. No need to study and all thatnonsense.

the first sunset of 2012

toodles

tia

p.s: ranee was staring at my screen trying to figure out the blog link. OH MY GOSH SAID THE SQUASH

and breath

2011-12-31T14:29:00.001+08:00

Has it really been a year? It seems to have gone by so fast and so slowly at the same time.

So here's my year in a nutshell. Graduated from IS, finished my A levels. Got a job. Started Uni. Lost a few friends, made some new ones. Learned frisbee. Stayed in a relationship for more than a year.

Injured my leg, got on a train by myself. Cheesy as this may sound, found out who my real friends are. Became active on Twitter. Started writing again. Committed. Went to a bar. Gained weight, conquered fear of going to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Went to church alone. Got back into DB5K, found a new girl group.

It seems like a rather plain and boring year. Oh wells, i'll try to make next year a bit more interesting. But until then, i'll have my exams to deal with. Hopefully this time next year i'll be in UK. Oh, forgot to add, found out I have sinus. Explains the early morning sniffles. Anywhoes. UK.

I have to start thinking about what I really want now. I'm going to be 20 in a month's time, and I still have not yet learnt to drive! =.= What even. What i'm really thinking of now is if I still have that drive to write. I haven't been writing since Uni and although I miss it, i haven't been trying to do anything about it. I guess i'll have to see.

toodles

tia

p.s: new layout, new link. i'm an adult now XD

i can't be tamed

2011-12-27T21:16:00.000+08:00

after two weeks it came. con-ners. I have been without contacts for more than a month now, I bet i'll be a super noob at inserting them into my eyes. Yet again.

What's new? Christmas. And if you don't know yet, my boyfriend spoiled me with these babies.

However, i'm planning to leave them in KK so i don't get tempted to read them. I'm dying to start them but I know I won't be able to concentrate anymore once I start. For the record, I have not been sticking to the study schedule I planned out. Procrastinating is very easy to do when you have something else to immerse yourself in. Something you actually want to do.

And today I met up with Jordana, Brandon, Jon Liew and Joshua. It was good to have so many IS people at one table after so long. No one has changed at all! Except now Jon Liew looks more Korean than ever and the UK people are all look skinnier than me. What even.

Yes, yes all very relaxed, hence I will be stepping on it now. I've been wasting too much time.

I just had a look at my future papers and I realized most of them are MCQs. *cue success baby meme* Alas they all come with negative marking. Whoever introduced that must hate dumb students.

so long. Off to bathe and then I will tackling Biochem afterwards.

toodles

tia

i'm getting tired and

2011-12-24T00:41:00.000+08:00

Today was a good day. It’s for these kind of days that I returnedback to KK for.

Met up with Jordana and Paddy for lunch and had a gossipsession. It wasn’t exactly a gossip session since we weren’t really gossiping,more like a catch up session. It was good. Really good.

Do you know how awesome it is to be with people who knowyou? People who actually get your little quirks and understand sarcasm. Peoplewho you share inside jokes with. Maybe some day I might have inside jokes toowith the people from Notts. NOT. I don’t think I’m capable of making a jokewithout being mean. Hmph.

So yeah, after lunch we drove all the way to One Borneo andwe just walked aimlessly around the mall. Ate food, played with the bumpercars. After the malls in KL, KK is a dreary place to shop at. Hence the lack ofa Christmas outfit, even now. OH YEAH. My contacts that I ordered will onlycome next week. I am so pissed at those people, they promised me it wouldarrive this week. I can’t even. Idiots.

After that, had the thanksgiving/housewarming party at myaunt’s house. And I got to meet my cousins. And play games with them. Yes I’maware of my age, shut up. It’s fun, and there was a new addition; Baby Abraham!HE IS SO CUTE. I would upload pictures but my cable is currently in my mum’sroom and she’s asleep – someone drank too much. It was a much needed bit ofcomic relief, even though I haven’t been studying much. I have finished off afew lecture notes though, time to get serious.

One thing I do regret is that I haven’t met Joshua yet, likeI keep saying I will. I cannot just push this horrible feeling away because I amguilty of not telling him I left and I haven’t seen him in so long. Finallywill be meeting the boyfriend tomorrow and going dating, I’ve been waiting forthree days. I miss him, can’t wait to see him. It’s a bonus now that he’s lostso much weight. He needs a hair cut and he probably still needs a lot of sleep,but as of now I’m counting down the hours to the moment where I’ll finally beable to wrap my arms around him.

toodles

tia

p.s: expect a picture heavy post one of these days

18 months

2011-12-19T23:03:00.000+08:00

exactly a year ago i posted a six months post. i guess its kind of a big deal for me. there has been so much that has changed i our relationship, and we've gone through so much. but ultimately, we've had more good times than bad. jon, he's amazing. i cannot stress how important this point is. i'm super bipolar - youre not expected to deal with that if youre not related to me.

but enough mushy stuff. everyone knows i love jon. thinking if i should change my facebook status to 'in a relationship' because he changed his. but then i dont want my uncles and aunts to see it. not ready to deal with their teasing just yet.

anywhoes. BACK IN KK, but i think that was obvious enough. going on a double date tomorrow with the satan and emeh and corn. i hope to see jordana and the uk gang while theyre still here

oh and shark boy of course. my goss buddy since trudy isnt around.

lazy blogpost with no pictures. i must study now

toodles

tia

damansara baby!

2011-12-16T22:15:00.001+08:00

at the moment im too excited to think. this time tomorrow i'll be more than halfway to sabah =D

ah so the damansara trip. food, food and a lot of food. it was something we'd be discussing for a while, ranee keeps going on about the awesome food in damansara. so we actually did it.

my un-photogenic-ness shows a lot in the next set of photos. i dont know why i even bother taking pictures, i look ugly in all of them =.= this is where some smart ass will say, 'its not just the photos, you ARE ugly.' to that i say, 'yeah? your hair is made of your mum's chest hair.'

anywhoes. that picture was our first night out. supposed to go to some bar but grace couldn't stand the loud music. that girl cannot go clubbing.

btw, all the pictures are courtesy of ranee. she took most of the pictures =D

day 1 breakfast; village park nasi lemak. one of the best i've had.

had this at zen Q. a little snack. zen Q is trying to be the next snowflakes i think, not bad though

you see what i mean. grace looks so cute. i look like road kill.

haaaave you met ranee?

this was from williams. excellent food but the prices are crazy.

this was the most expensive dish of the night. crab stew. but it was GOOD.

i filled up on these babies. MANTAO. the crispy crust and oh so soft insides. i want them again!

duck pesto. yes i ate duck. it was tasty, really.

ranee's seafood carbonara special. not bad, but im a bolognaise person.

this was really good. honey, peach and mango. all the things i especially love

people who came to join us. these are some of the girls i hang with at notts. btw the two on the left sitting and standing are twins.

lunar eclipse! and i got mocked so horribly by ranee's older sister and her friend. hmph

went to the curve for moo cow frozen yogurt. i'm sticking to this yogurt from now on, it was orgasmic.

this is the awesome-est yong tau fu. IT IS SO GOOD.

i repeat. the best

please dont ask why i wasnt focusing on the camera.

my two hosts! fun people to be around and super nice as well.

cempedak!!!! admittedly not as awesome as it should have been

we went back home to study and grace fell asleep XD

i heart yogurt. no seriously, thats the name of the yogurt shop.

i told you

and thats that. it was one heck of a weekend. havent had one of those in a while, not since me and corn's one, and two weeks before that me, paddy and amylline. and it was so nice to be in a house. ranee and rachelle made me feel so welcomed and it was wonderful to be able to sleep in until 11. it was so good. ranee has a place in my home now, whenever she wants to go.

toodles

tia

we're lying to ourselves, we are coming home

2011-12-12T15:29:00.000+08:00

damansara trip will get a blog post. dont you worry. but moi has an exam in two days so itll have to wait. i leave you with a little something to whet your appetite.

Dear Jon,

I’m sorry I haven’t been replying your texts and I haven’t been answering your calls. Truth be told, I turned my phone off on purpose. I know that this time I have really crossed the line and I’ve finally shown you my crazy side. No, I know you’ve seen my crazy; you’ve just never been on the receiving end. And for that, I’m really, really sorry. I just didn’t know what to say or how to face you. I was an ass, yes, but some of those things needed to be said. Now that it’s out in the open what are we going to do?

i'm really sorry.

toodles

tia

the tension is here

2011-12-07T21:58:00.000+08:00

I don’t pretend to understand how guys work. Guys complain that they don’t get girls. News flash, we don’t get you guys either. And it’s not for the lack of trying because I know I try to. A bit. Sometimes.

As per my last post I said I wouldn’t be nice to the dude who was upset about me.

Sadly I bent to peer pressure and when I met him at the library I said HELLO because it would have been awkward. And he said hello back. And we even had a conversation that was devoid of any awkward tension that should have been present given our circumstances.

Conclusion? Either my girlfriend set me up so I would talk to him normally or hes just really good at masking his feelings. In which case f-. Because even though I didn’t go all syrupy sweet I said hello. I was civil, which is the correct thing to be. But in a world where one has been pissed off one would rather not be nice to the person who pissed one off. AND YET. I’m annoyed at my willingness to bend.

In other news, I have successfully sent in all of my assignments so I can now start studying completely for my finals. I’m kind of freaked. Ranee and I attended the transfer talk today and okay, the percentage they wanted me to get is not that bad. 55% is. Okay. Since I’ve been such a good student =P But its subject to availability at UK which makes me feel like an ass. I should have gone when I got the offer. Now im going to torture myself and try to get 70% for all my modules. How can they reject a smartass?

And my leg. Haven’t said anything about it since the fall. It is getting better, I guess but it’s just not flexible yet. That’s how a guy put it when I showed him my leg. I feel so ugh about it. Worried that I might have completely ruined my leg. And I’m annoyed as well. If I didn’t fall down, I would have been able to play Frisbee and would have gotten better, not suckier. And I could’v gone to Perlis for the tournament. Of course I’d have to change my flight details and come back one day later. Ah screw it la, I miss home and I want to go home. Have fun at the tourney lucky people, im going next year.

toodles

tia

p.s: havent posted up pictures in a while. I think i will. DAMANSARA TRIP THIS WEEKEND

me, it's really a joke

2011-12-03T16:13:00.000+08:00

Apparently I have offended someone’s feelings. Well what’s new, I offend people on a daily basis.

This person I have offended says I did so by giving him The Look. Not once but a lot of times. I must have truly made an impact for him to have to say something about it.

Ridiculous. If I was going to offend someone, trust me, I would do it on purpose. I would make it even more obvious. Why would I bother giving you The Look when I can just go ‘Your face needs help.’ This so stupid and nonsensical I feel dumb for even thinking about it.

Firstly, if I did give you The Look I never realized. For me to have to give you any bit of my short attention span I must either hate you, love you or find you interesting. And truth to be told you’re none of the above. So please don’t flatter yourself.

Secondly, if it does not really bother you then you don’t need to tell my friend that you’re upset with me. How the f- can you be upset with someone you barely know? That is just. Mind blowing. And how the f- can you expect me to be all warm and friendly when I was never properly introduced to you? Have you been waiting for me to be initiate conversation? Because I’m not interested thank you very much.

I’m not going to make my voice all syrupy sweet when I’m speaking to you because you’re an oversensitive boy. Do I look like I was made to please you?

Why am I so bothered about this? I don’t really understand why myself.

And just so you know I f-ing waved at you the other day. And smiled. Or was that another look as well? I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE HERE TAKE EVERYTHING SO SERIOUSLY. I don’t get why sarcasm isn’t spoken here. While I’m at it, I might as well ask why I can’t be straightforward. If I think that girl is f-ing ugly then I’m not going to lie and say OMG SHES SO HOT when shes so not.

Good grief. Maybe it’s the PMS talking but I was so annoyed when she told me that someone was upset with me. Look at how long my post is. Fail to comprehend how his mind works. Next time I shall really give him a look. Show him what a real look is like. Ish

yeah i must be PMS-ing. not even 9gag can save me.

toodles

tia

see how i'll leave with every piece of you

2011-11-29T15:00:00.000+08:00

i want it so badly i keep dreaming about it. thats how i know i cannot not have it.

special edition in RED. i really cant stress on how important it is that its RED. pink would be better, of course. but this is. THIS IS. i must have it. i dont mind doing anything to get it

no, of course this post isnt going to be about that only. im not that crazy. not yet.

have i mentioned the amount of people living in my unit before? its a six bedded flat and up until thursday last week, ranee had no roommate. which suits her. so you can imagine her shock when she got a new roommate. actually, they all were shocked. save me, cause i went to class.

this isnt really a rant or a bitch post since i cant be so hard on the new girl. but.

our bathroom door is faulty. it has always been faulty, in the sense that if you close the door, we will be locked out of the bathroom. sonia took the liberty of making a sign and taping it to the door to avoid unwanted incidents. i think its pretty obvious.

but yesterday, or should i say at 1 this morning, the new girl just closed the door.

=.=

she cannot read is it?

in her defense, shes new. and she also has this habit of closing doors behind her, every time. but i was so annoyed because all of this couldve been avoided if she just bothered to read the sign properly. worst of all, ranee and i tried to pick the lock and several other people came after i summoned them all through Facebook. but NO ONE managed to do it.

we had a fire drill this morning. at eight. i had to go down with my unwashed face and unbrushed teeth. also i woke up in the middle of the night needing to pee and i COULDNT. i was pissed.

you know what else pissed me off? i was fungry, as i always will be after 12 at night. AND I COULD NOT EAT. why? BECAUSE THEN I CANT BRUSH MY TEETH BEFORE I SLEEP. you do not mess with me and food.

so this was strike one.

in other news ive finished my essay and gotten some pointers from dr marc. smexy guy. i mean. PAHAHA.

toodles

tia

someone made it

2011-11-25T15:25:00.000+08:00

on my way to a meeting just now i was stopped by this little indian girl in a pink dress. she looked up at me and said, 'hello, im from the orphanage and we will be having a bazaar next month. can you buy some coupons from me? its only rm10.'

i was going to brush her aside but the moment she said she was from the orphanage i just couldnt. its like my heart flipped over a few times in my chest and i lost the will to be mean.

every time man. when i see beggars on the street i try to walk a different way so that i dont have to see them. i feel horrible when i see them. constantly whining about things like how i dont talk much to my parents or how they nag me. and about how crappy the food is here at UNMC. but at least i have food to eat and i have a family. as always, what about those who dont have what i have?

random thought. do orphans who have never met their families know how to miss them?

okay yes that was a bit mean and insensitive but im curious as to how you miss someone who was not there to begin with.

long story short, i bought rm20 from the girl because i couldnt say no. and despite the girl turning around and laughing at her friends who couldnt sell any tickets, i still think i made the right decision. i mean. at least i made her happy, right?

aw. now how can anyone call me a bitch? i have a heart after all.

toodles

tia

hey boy, remember this clearly

2011-11-22T15:31:00.000+08:00

guess whoes coming back for christmas?

the best. simply the best christmas present ive received this year. a whole month early. honestly, i dont know what ive done to deserve this.

thank you so much sweetie. i know it wasnt easy to make this decision and youre going to miss out on travelling with your sisters. and the amount of money youre spending just to spend a few weeks with me. i seriously dont deserve this.

and to think. when we first got together i thought we wouldnt last a month. this beats any present ive gotten you, this is the perfect way to celebrate our 18th month together. for everything youve given me, for every crazy little thing youve done, THANK YOU SO MUCH. and i look forwards to seeing you in 28 more days.

;) and that jumping on you in public is on.

toodles

tia

don't be a tease

2011-11-21T14:54:00.000+08:00

sometimes i surprise myself. case in point, no matter how much i think i dislike something/someone i will eventually take care of it or help the person. somehow i think ive learnt to accept things for what they can be, sometimes flawed but in the end still useful. i know it sounds wrong if it were to be about a person but thats the best way i can explain it.

so i can be a bitch but i guess if i care enough about you and i consider you a friend i will go all out to help you. i helped you get over your confusion, in case i was beginning to not make sense again.

spent my whole weekend with corn in the process using up a lot of money. i cant even begin to count it because when i think about how much money i used i just. i feel bad. ANYWAYS. we shopped for her prom dress. i wish i was going to be there, she looks so good in the dress =")

these days i miss home more. what with assignments piling up and boy stuff, i cant help but wish i could, at any moment, walk into my own room and just let everything go. i know most of posts sound like this but i really cant help it. over here its bad enough that people are fussing over me because of my leg, - which still isnt better by the way - i feel like i cant repay back everyone here for the way theyve all been so nice to me.

today this bitch is in a very mellow mood. i wonder why.

we had lab.

frisbee =D i cant wait to be able to play again

okay i know its blurry but i love the colour combo. and yes i regret not buying that dress. UGH

the one constant in my life. my soulmate

white and black

toodles

tia

staring eyes, scorching flesh

2011-11-17T22:19:00.000+08:00

its like word vomit. at any second i might spill something and im terrified of messing up.

for one i am very tired of being the one who tries, and this does not in any way at all apply me and jons relationship. please dont hit me or call me stupid because i am neither a punching bag or a donkey. dont expect me to answer all your questions if you cant be bothered about mine.

bitch the world does not revolve around you.

i think the easy uni days are over. the assignments have all started piling on. pissed because now my revision will be back logged and i wont have enough time to go through my past year papers. honestly im actually beginning to feel overwhelmed. i feel like locking myself up in the uni and not going out at all because im afraid i wont make the cut off point to UK.

i dont want to be here next year.

there has to be someone apart from corn that i can say something to. i feel like ive been keeping too much pent up inside me and finally its reached its breaking point. any second now. im going to go crazy and do something stupid.

i cant even post things up here anymore. so sorry i cant let you people see the inside of my head, i think my brain has suddenly developed shy-ness. tsk tsk

toodles

tia

my stage that has begun once more

2011-11-13T14:30:00.000+08:00

it's a lazy sunday afternoon and what am i doing? getting ready to skype with sarah and then i will be spending most of it studying.

i'd love to post something so interesting it would interest myself but i really havent got anything at the moment. the leg has put a stop to all activities. i think the only posts people are interested in are the ones where i just piss off and write crap without filtering myself. no?

i'm not pissed at the moment, sadly. i do, however, feel disconnected and unattached.

longing to read and write but i havent had the time to. my motivation is gone. scary. i dont want to be a nutritionist/dietitian for the rest of my life. no doubt telling fat people off or stuffing skinny people with food has its perks but i never saw myself doing that. always saw myself as a waitress trying to make her bills and writing at night in a dingy flat. tells you so much about what i think. somehow though, it appeals to me. poverty.

im only saying that now out of ignorance because i know i sure as hell wont be happy if i dont get my four meals a day.

immersing yourself in school work takes away a lot of your life. trying to get used to everyone and being sociable is very time consuming. discovering i'm back to being very judgmental. i hate dead weights. i hate people who cannot do their own work before they attempt to copy my answers straight off. for goodness sake, you're old enough to know better.

people here say i dont come off as a bitch. which kind of pleases me. i mean really, i dont mind the label but its nice to know i can be nice as well. now if only some people would stop annoying me.

very bored and tamed bitch signing off

toodles

tia

good girl is never going bad

2011-11-10T17:47:00.000+08:00

to sum up my night out in one word it was BORING.

don't get the hype about it. and i feel cheated. what was that about free flow of drinks all night? i suppose night now only lasts an hour. vampires now only have an hour of fun every day.

im blaming the lack of alcohol because maybe if i had been intoxicated everything might have seemed awesome and fun and oh my god i should do this every night because this is LIFE. yeah. but seriously. i only had two cocktails and those were so diluted it tasted like fruit juice.

i spent most of the night camwhoring with ranee, and just talking with the other girls. waiting for something fun to happen. the highlight of the night hm. cant decide between stoned girls making out or people being hauled off the elevated dance floor. twice. maybe the time when we were all sprawled out on the lobby sofas. definitely the best night.

nothing beats maggi hot cup at 3 in the morning. i should know i only had a cintan cause they have no asam laksa maggi hot cup. boo you whore

toodles tia

to a very special boy

2011-11-07T21:25:00.000+08:00

sorry i cant be with you on this birthday either =/ but we'll get there, you'll see. next year maybe?

anyways, have fun on your birthday. you have no idea how much i miss you right now. for now, jonjon and catcat will have to do the actions for us.

i miss you terribly. i hope you have a really good time on your birthday. and i dont know what else to say because i can express it so much better through actions than words. for once, words fail me. i dont know how else to put it.

blessed birthday, Jon. i love you, sorry for being a bitch

toodles

tia

if the words spoken

2011-11-05T22:07:00.000+08:00

i miss my family a lot.

i miss my parents especially. i miss being able to see them everyday, i even miss their nagging. i miss the littlest things, my mum coming into my room everyday after work. i miss her teasing. i miss walrus coming into my room on sundays to wake me up for church. and im 19, but i miss the hugs and kisses. i miss saying goodnight to them and sending them off to work.

i miss sharing a room with corn. i miss talking in the dark when the lights are off. i miss the comfort knowing that when i get a nightmare i can crawl into bed with her. i miss sleepovers with all four of us. i miss effjay. i miss her genuine concern. i miss the way she laughs like a mad person. i miss our talks. i miss parut. i miss my sidekick, i miss bullying mason with her. i miss our rants about fanfictions and the way both of us always seem to want food at the same time. i even miss her stealing the ice.

and mason. i miss him though God only knows why. but i do miss him. i havent spoken to him in so long i feel like im not even his big sister anymore.

i miss my dogs. truly truly i miss wish. i miss sneaking her in. i even miss woollie. oh God, i dont even remember how to spell his name anymore and i was the one who made it. and theres probably room somewhere in my heart for candy.

i hate being so far away from familiarity.

toodles

tia

funny lol

2011-11-01T21:04:00.000+08:00

im not the sportiest person but i do join a reasonable amount of activities. and i know how to play a range of sports, football, futsal, netball, volleyball, hockey, badminton and now frisbee. i suck at all of them but the point is, i keep busy. and i used to run short distance, i did hurdles and high jump. and cheer leading how to forget that?

anyways, i never got injuries. and i dont stretch or what. the most i got were bruises. and sunburn. today i walked down the stairs from a cancelled editorial and i missed a few steps. fell down and it hurt like asdfghjklqwertyuiopzxcvbnm. but i shook it off and it ceased to hurt.

went through dinner with ranee, grace, and ernie. no pain. can walk like normal some more. got back home and took off my shoes. and ranee was like, shit man your ankle.

my ankle was swollen so bad i dont know why i felt no pain. NO PAIN. grace and ranee jumped into acttion straight away making ice and getting me to massage my ankle. i called mum and she told me off. gh.

so. no frisbee tomorrow. shiz.

ruins the awesome weekend i had at paddy's

deepavali nommers.

the boys

we each drank two coconuts

pizza night II

LOOK AT THAT. ITS hellish omfg

toodles

tia

heres a quick post

2011-10-29T01:27:00.001+08:00

fact: you're dumber than me. how wow is that, considering i'm not very smart at all?

fact: you're an attention whore. how about that, coming from a camwhore. and while we're at it, your perfume really does warn people that youre close by. gives us a heads up. we run.

fact: you are fat.

fact: you're a backstabbing, bullshitting bitch. thats why no one likes you very much.

have i given away who this wonderful person is yet?

BLOCKED.

toodles

tia

what even

2011-10-28T14:20:00.000+08:00

i tethered my phone to my laptop because my internet is like 9827654718 faster than the school's one and i dont know the passphrase to get into the internet at the library and SA building. fudge.

i quite feel like a rant post. the blog seems so prim and so un-me without them.

what else would i rant about? i hate my relationship. i hate it to the point where i sometimes wish i never met him. its not that i dont have feelings anymore for him, its that i have feelings for him and he seems to be mocking it by treating our relationship as if it were a joke.

how do people do it? i know i cant. im so frustrated by his lack of attention and care. he forgets things and he doesnt make any effort to try to keep this thing alive. when i think back of how it was before we got together and he was chasing me i dont know whether to laugh or to cry. its as though our relationship means nothing to him.

you know what hurts? if you dont want to maintain the relationship then why cant you just say so? why cant you spare me all the trouble i went through. waking up early in the morning, going on postpaid so i can text you, minimizing talk and contact with guys because you will make it obvious that it displeases you when i tell you. do i not deserve the same level of respect? why is it so hard for you to be in a relationship with me?

if you cant then fucking say so because at least i can start moving on.

toodles

tia

and i wonder if i

2011-10-20T16:42:00.000+08:00

have done anything to deserve such a good day.

yesterday i had pan mian, not a patch on kk's one but still in a league of its own. i didnt screw up my application for the SMC. and jon actually remembered our anniversary =D

before i went to sleep i was online talking to a number of people when jon told me he had a surprise for me. he's been saying it since yesterday but i cant really believe him =P he sent me a picture in skype and i said something like, 'i hope its not a naked picture of you.'

please. you know you were thinking of that when i said picture.

anyways, turns out it wasnt a picture.

yes, that is an order for 1Q84, the latest murakami book. yes the exact one ive been complaining about. I HAVE WAITED TWO BLOODY YEARS FOR THIS. words cannot express how grateful i am for this. this is just. epic. jon has really outdone himself =D it also makes him the main contributor of my murakami collection. thats my boy.

i wasnt the only one who got lucky though. good things come in pairs. if youre reading this, WELL DONE ALIEN.

toodles

tia

where do the countless stars travel to?

2011-10-17T13:28:00.000+08:00

it was a walrus-ie weekend. and i miss him very very much.

i think its a family thing but we all have daddy issues. dont know about my siblings but i've always wanted my relationship with the walrus to be super close. and im ashamed to say i crave his approval, otherwise i wouldn't be studying nutrition.

anyways, enough of the emo thing. as if i didnt get enough of that when he got tipsy over German beer. i dont understand how he can drink in front of me and expect me not to want to drink either.

so my weekend was pretty much spent with walrus and gwen and chyna. he met them and he got excited when he found out they were from convent. even more excited when he found out they were in UTM (i dont remember the name or if this is even correct) because he was offered the architecture program there like a few decades ago. if my dad was an architect. hmm.

i might not be so cynical. i am a bit, i think.

enough talk. pictures

identical twin day huh? both in blue jeans and white shirts

walrus' business meeting at a german bar. pretty nice place

and walrus' business lunch meeting. had the crappiest char kueh tiao ever. beats the shit jon wong and jordana had during our KL trip

four years of friendship and still going strong =)

and i love the way you two bicker. CORN YOU SHOULDVE BEEN THERE

notts is selling their hoodies for a whopping RM65. the school is trying to suck us dry of cash. sadly i want one. the red one is DELECTABLE. at the same time, i want JYJ's In Heaven, the red version. its the same price as the hoodie and i find it to be a better choice XD

gonna go study now. i'm two weeks behind

toodles

tia

revolution

2011-10-11T15:24:00.000+08:00

last night some lizard decided to visit my house. both rainie and grace are terrified of lizards. i'm. well i thought i wasnt but last night was bad.

the lizard came just when grace and i were going to sleep. she screamed, which scared rainie who was outside. then the three of us stood outside my room screaming and waiting for the lizard to appear so that i could get it out.

we were poking the cupboards and tables waiting for the lizard to come out but it never did. when we stopped poking, it darted out onto the floor and thats when grace shrieked. i shrieked as did rainie. it must have sounded really bad because a few minutes later, the warden came in and told us we were disturbing everyone.

=.= and the lizard was still in my room.

so rainie suggests we use insect repellent. she gives grace a spray and she began spraying the lizard, all the while screaming. when she got tired, i took over but only after the lizard was cornered under grace's bed.

it was at this point when rainie suggested we call a guy down to help us. so grace left for the second floor and i was made to continue spraying the lizard.

when the guy (ding) arrived he went straight to our bedroom and looked under the bed. according to him it was like someone knocked over a glass of water. that was a ridiculous amount of insect repellent we used.

also, the lizard was dead. we actually killed it. XD when he told us that the three of us began laughing. he left after washing up.

so my room smelled like it was fumigated. and i swallowed some of that stuff too, though not as much as my roomie. she gargled and her throat is still sore. we slept at two since we had to get out of the room. NEVER AGAIN. stupid lizard.

and i woke up at six thirty this morning to skype with jon. screw the time difference.

i forgot why jon was smiling like that. haha

and now im going to sleep before i go play frisbee. or maybe i wont. i want to study ohh.

toodles

tia

gr

2011-10-10T16:58:00.000+08:00

okay im in a foul mood. the computer system in Nottingham needs adjusting to.

booking flight tickets is a very weird task. sometimes it riles me, sometimes its no big deal. i was booking tickets earlier and the internet was too damn slow in my room so i went to the IT center.

i wasted like two hours wandering around trying to figure out how to log into the computers. after that i had to book my tickets and for some weird reason the internet was acting up. ugh. then i couldnt access into the web portal for lecture notes. when i finally managed to get my notes AND my flight tickets i had to go print them.

that was the least hassling one. i got that done fast enough but i had a headache by then and im back at home with no mood to study. funny enough what annoys me about this thing in the first place is because i wasted so much time wandering around i cant study.

and someone got to the book i wanted to borrow first. all three copies of it. =.=

yes i know i sound like a sad nerd who has nothing else better to do then study. sadly i cannot refute that statement. when im on campus its not like i have anything else better to do. i want the weekends to come faster. i look forward to them.

so some pictures. which i editted with this awesome app.

kenny rogers came to my campus! decent food =D

the library, my second home. sadly

the nutrition gathering. a decent night

and what made my week: visiting my sister. and her boyfriend.

they look so happy together i feel like a jealous bitch.

so yeah, thats it. id love to stay but unfortunately i have to go study now.

and welcome back to my blog. sorry it took a while for me to get it up and running

toodles

tia

when it's love

2011-10-04T09:15:00.000+08:00

there will be no pictures even though i took quite a bit. because yours truly is lazy.

i went to sleepover at paddy's on saturday with corn. it was supposed to be an all girl thing where the three of us would just go in and out of shops wasting money.

sadly we had a chaperon. so i only bought NECESSITIES. what in the world. shopping is not about getting what you need, its about getting what you want. hmph. but never mind. the weekend was very good, because it was so nice to meet paddy after three weeks. i can be bitchy around her.

i mean. i can feel myself becoming more comfortable in Nottingham, but not to the point where i can make comments that are scathing and downright. well, i'm telling the truth anyway. to continue with the weekend, us three and the chaperon, claudius, went around sunway on saturday. i got a ring stuck on me in forever 21. thank God i got it off cause i wouldnt pay RM20 for what i tried on.

sunday we went to church and we walked around KLCC which delighted me. SHOPPING. but again we couldnt. still the trip was fun, relaxing and i didnt get any studying done.

in my defense, neither did paddy or corn.

ill try post up pictures.

toodles

tia

why i like you

2011-09-29T15:54:00.000+08:00

so i have now been at Notts for a week. time to make some comments.

i like my unit. i would like it even more if we had an aircond and our own refrigerator. my housemates are nice. grace, rainie, sonia and leesha. i dont think i'm getting a fifth one.

the food in the cafeteria is really bad. but which school has super awesome food anyway? lectures are boring but i'm revising them diligently. my module coordinator told me that my overall percentage has to be at least above 60%. you think it's easy but its not.

i have settled down, i think, to some degree. it's different here but i think it's okay. anyways, i took pictures.

this was on tuesday. one of the freshers week activities. bloody treasure hunt.

outside my hall. clear skies =)

corn at sushi king. so nice to have her with me.

yours truly at sushi king. exposure sucks. i have edit-ed it to the best of my noob abilities.

nothing else interesting. we went to sushi king on sunday after church and the food was so good compared to the food at the cafeteria.

on a side note, i miss a lot of people. my miss list is in my tumblr.

toodles

tia

I am allowed one emo post

2011-09-25T19:07:00.000+08:00

i have been optimistic-ish about this whole uni thing but before the week is up, i feel the need to release some emo stuff ive been brooding over the past few days.

what im afraid of is not being able to click with anyone.

what im afraid of is that i wont make friends. and not only will i not make friends, i will also become shy and withdrawn and quiet. people think i'm not capable of that but i am. this whole change thing is seriously hard. like. what and how are things supposed to be like?

as of now, im on good terms with my room mate and house mates but i cant just be close to them. and i'm scared i wont fit in because i dont speak chinese so i cant communicate with the people i might be comfortable around. the international students dont speak much english so im pretty lost. and it's really. ugh. it's like that scene in mean girls where cady eats in the toilet.

i hope i can do this.

toodles

tia

a day late

2011-09-22T23:14:00.000+08:00

the rest of the KL trip will come, sooner or later. not very interesting anyway since i was a lazy photographer.

so today i left for Nottingham KL. i didnt want anyone to send me off, i knew i was going to cry. but there was carmen, on jon's instructions. that was sweet. as was the flower and the message =)

but she had to see me cry like a baby and hugging my mum as though i was actually going to UK. im pretty sure no one made a fuss like that when they were leaving. the bloody flight was bad. turbulance all the way. also, i forgot to take my laptop out. no entertainment.

when i got to the uni, i found ahchoy who helped me a lot. and then i met zhen ning. it felt really good to see people i knew. i know no one will believe me, but im not homesick yet. maybe it's just the weariness of the registration. i had problems paying with my card so i had to go to town in a taxi alone. not nice. the taxi driver was nice, the people in town scared me.

and my taxi driver told me a student from nottingham was raped last year. O.O wth

after the hassle with registration, i went to unpack and settle into my house. what scared me was getting a roomie which i wouldnt like. MY ROOMIE EXCEEDS ALL EXPECTATIONS. she is a) CHINESE =D b) sabahan from kk c) appears to be very neat and tidy. she helped me sweep under my bed. so yes, i like my roomie. for now. until something happens which i hope it will not. her name is grace and she says her english is bad. i might finally learn to speak mandarin XD

now waiting to go dinner with the IS people. huh. tired. hopefully i wont miss home too much.

oh yeah. walrus sent me food. that was the one part that made me want to cry since i got here. and now i suddenly miss home.

toodles

tia

p.s: i forgot about my other house mate. her name is rainie and shes really cute. yes i know, lesbo vibes coming off me. shes from PJ and she asked me to go eat dinner with her but i think i should probably eat with the IS crowd first. sabahans ahh

PICTURES!

what me and my roomie bought at tesco XD

tesco. we also have a secret recipe XD

my personal tutor and the other tutees who share him with me.

hes the head of the department =.= why do i always kena those people?

best hall on campus. not XD quite nice ah

a little bit of the campus. havent explored yet

goodnight everyone!

ATTENTION

2011-09-15T23:25:00.000+08:00

im going to officially open my blog back to public on the first of october. im sorry to those i've just added as readers, it isnt intentional in any way at all.

hence i will be locking a few posts. posts that will hurt other people when they read this blog.

what im trying to say is, read it as much as you can now and enjoy it. i will also be locking most of my mushy posts and the more emotional ones. i actually dont even know if my blog will be much of a blog after im done. we'll see how brave i'm feeling on that day.

goodnight. and i trust none of you readers will spill about what i write in here. it's not that interesting anyway

in heaven

2011-09-15T21:18:00.001+08:00

why oh why is everyone leaving? T.T

current wants has just increased. they keep increasing. i want the seagull s6, a new phone, my boyfriend back, and of course they had to put out a new single/album.

JYJ DONT DRAIN ME OF MY CASH T.T

but seriously, seriously, SERIOUSLY. in heaven is an EXCELLENT SONG. I CANNOT WAIT TO FUCKING BUY THEIR ALBUM. and im not just saying In Heaven is fantastic because my Jejung wrote and composed and arranged the whole thing =D (truly, i only just found out) it's because it's so amazinggg. in your face SM

and the video. ohmygod. i didnt think junsu could act but it was believable and very raw. oh spaz. i am so pleased with in heaven, i hope Tone matches up as well. go go db5k

toodles

tia

something to lift my own mood

2011-09-13T20:06:00.000+08:00

this is a screencap of my dad's facebook page. according to it, none of his five children have facebook.

how i see it is that all five of his children blocked him. PAHAHAHA. that was mean. but still.

i thought my brother approved his friend request a long time ago though. i remember them wall-ing each other once. that was bizarre and odd on so many levels. they could've just called each other and spoke what.

i want the xperia x8 or the xperia mini pro. also i want a seagull s6 but i'd probably have to prostitute myself on Bukit Bintang for a week before i can get enough money to buy that. accommodation seems settled, i'll be leaving for KL soon. can't believe i'm actually leaving, means i'm all grown up now.

toodles

tia

goodbye baby

2011-09-11T23:34:00.000+08:00

the KL trip deserves a blog post but that will not come today.

i will gross the few who can access this blog about how much i will miss my boyfriend. i miss him now, i missed him even when we were together for six days.

it sounds so cheesy but in missing him there is a physical pain. the only other time this happened was when i sent corn to KTT. that time i couldn't control it and i was crying the whole way there, back and on the plane. this time i was better off.

but the point is there is a physically part to the pain.

how do i put this in words? it's like my heart became too heavy to carry and i sometimes cant breathe when it happens.

because we were with each other 24/7 for almost a week i felt like i couldnt leave him. i wanted to cry so many times on the plane back if it wasnt for jordana and brandon. good company. KL is the last place both of us were together it just hurt so badly leaving.

i cannot describe how i felt when i saw jon and carmen waving at me from outside the glass. i wish i could go with him, hold him and be able to cuddle one more time. i wish i spent less time fighting with him before.

i want to be with him right now.

how could i have thought that it would be easy to cut off our relationship because of distance? i'm not saying i will be a super saint when he's gone and im pretty sure i will be ranting a lot in my blog when we both piss each other off. but i guess the point is i'm really attached to him.

i think i understand now. anyway it will be good to see how strong we are as a couple. trust baby.

toodles

tia

p/s: i already opened all the notes you scribbled for me while i was bathing this morning jon. and dont worry, this time next year we will be leaving for UK together

i cant do more because im tired and ive cried too much

2011-09-01T22:20:00.000+08:00

sweetie i am very tired but i do care. so im going to try to convince you one last time.

yes of course i wont be okay if i cant go to see you off. im not okay with the meager amounta of time we spend with each other. KL is our last. so please. IM NOT OKAY either.

maybe if youd try talking to me more you wouldnt need me to keep having to prove how much i will miss you when you go.

goodnight

toodles

tia

PROVEN

2011-08-30T01:25:00.000+08:00

i am an awesome girlfriend.

don't ask why i'm suddenly blogging so much.

toodles

tia

on being bisexual, gay

2011-08-29T13:03:00.000+08:00

i'm not a homophobe. i don't support gays BUT i don't wish to kill all those who are gay either.

personally i think i'm a little bisexual. a LITTLE. maybe that's why i can deal with it if i have a gay friend. judge away now, people.

this sudden thought comes because of my current yunjae streak. yunjae is yunho + jaejoong, my bias and corn's bias in tvxq. yes it means they are gay. i think to some extent it is real but for the most part i'd rather kidnap jaejoong and chain him to my bed.

so yeah, i read fanfictions. this is one of the dorkier things i do which i try to hide from people but i really cant be bothered anymore. fact: fanfic writers are really good if you know who to go after. what i don't get about yunjae fics is how they can be so openly gay and no one at all minds. only one has touched briefly on that fact, but the writer didnt do it in depth. understandable.

it would be super taxing to even think about it. let alone write.

however i have found a new fanfic and the writer is a lesbian who has recently came out. =O respect. she's writing about the five coming back together and how they deal with homosexuality and what it is like coming out. for once people are disgusted with gays which makes for better reading. since the boys in tvxq are super religious it actually works and it's seriously good.

i wouldnt say the writer is a good writer but she really writes from the heart and i can see that. i really enjoy it because shes writing about something ive been meaning to talk / write about. and the honesty that comes with it. it's really an eye opener for me, and thats after i went to an all girls school for eleven years.

conclusion. love is love whether it be between guy and girl, guy and guy or girl and girl.

also i need to start growing a backbone and start attacking issues like that when i write. i need to find a gay bestfriend, shed some light on the things i'm puzzled over.

btw, last day of work today. WOOTS

toodles

tia

i cant look at you even if my eyes are wide open

2011-08-28T15:31:00.000+08:00

HELLO corn's back =D

and i only have two weeks left with jon. how very annoying. and he's going to go to some youth camp thingy, taking four days out of the fourteen that i have.

i cannot be selfish. he has to spend some of those days with his parents.

as if. he already lives with them, I dont live with him. I don't see enough of him.

this is insanity at it's most presentable. the heat is making me rash and inconsiderate.

toodles

tia

as if as if you might not exist

2011-08-24T10:08:00.000+08:00

my mum is seriously mean.

yesterday we were in her room talking about stuff while effjay did her brows and suddenly she turns to me and stares at me for a long time.

moi; mum

what?

you're so skinny.

so? i've always been.

yeah but now you look like you're sick.

wtf mum

i'm serious you look like you got cancer or something

MUM. HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME?

what?! you do!

HOW AM I GOING TO SLEEP?!

you sleep la!

ya easy for you to say, you're not paranoid

at times like this, i would advise you to go down, drink a glass of milk and eat vita lea

=.= that was what you wanted from the start kan

go la. go now!

regardless of what scheming ploy my mum used to get me to eat vitamins that comment has been cropping up too much in all my conversations lately. chyna, vivian and grazele all said i looked too skinny. and when i weighed myself i barely tipped 49kg.

i mean. i'm sorry i cant gain weight, it's not for the lack of trying. i eat a lot, ask jon, since he has to supply me with food. it's not like i skip my meals and i eat so much junk in between meals it really is ridiculous that i'm not gaining weight.

when i told my mum that she said CANCER. what an ass.

nottingham malaysia just emailed me. =D yay

18 more days left with jon. i am not liking this

toodles

tia

protect you

2011-08-21T19:05:00.000+08:00

this will be a long post. i think. it's one day late, however, so the mood isnt as wow as it was when i was feeling it.

1. sarah apologized

which was kind of weird. she sent this long text about how sorry she was and everything. it bowled me over, somewhat, when she said that she didnt want to lose me as a friend. no one has ever said that to me before. therefore, i was touched.

we went out yesterday with chyna, gwen, wan and vadee and i tried talking to her and all. she responded okay i guess but im wary of her. i wasnt, initially, but this morning when i woke up, it changed. anywhoes, the thing is, we're on speaking terms now. but im not over this, just yet.

2. officially going for LDR

this whole month with jon has been very smooth. before i was always complaining about how he didnt do a thing for me. oddly, i began to see all of what he has been doing for this month, every single little thing. he's amazing, and im not just saying that because in less than a month he will be a hundred thousand miles away from me. he just truly is amazing. and it would be silly not to try work things out. so yeah.

3. i got my paycheck

why is this even on the list i'm not sure. i feel guilty that im getting paid for doing nothing. basically i sit in a chair in my dad's office and use the free, high speed connection there. wham, i get my pay. i feel that it is so unfair that im getting paid that amount of money for doing so little. i offered to quit already but my parents dont want me to. it's really. ugh.

4. blog

i always thought that blogs should never be made private. if you want privacy, get a journal. however, here i am, hiding my blog by making it private all because of some small thing. for a person who detests hypocrites, i sure do a lot of things that make me just as bad as they are. hence this blog shall go public soon. i know ive said that before but i wasnt able to because i was a freaking chicken. maybe when i've been at uni for a month. see how it goes.

and i thought it would be longer, but i guess the mood is gone

toodles

tia

my what i want list

2011-08-12T17:18:00.000+08:00

i have a list of things i want. but here are some updates. and seeing as im earning cash now i should.

buy them all.

1. Haruki Murakami's 1Q84

i have wanted this since i knew it came out in 2009. i waited two years for the english version to come out. and it will, this october. i dont care how bloody much it will cost i must have it.

2. Protect the Boss DVD (with english subs, duh)

and possibly Jaejoong's japanese drama but i think i'll like this one more.

3. a pretty dorm room

of course, im not even sure if i have a dorm room or not. if i have a dorm room id be happy enough but a pretty one is a plus

4. and of course for my gay boys to be back together.

i cant really get my iphone now. damn.

toodles

tia

results

2011-08-11T22:19:00.001+08:00

well my results made me more than qualified for Nottingham.

but it fell short of my expectations. hence the tears. plus, you know my boyfriend happens to be a super genius, much like one of my friends. why are all my friends smart?

ill tell you why. every group of smart people need a dumb person in it to balance the group out. like in big bang theory, walowitz is the dumb one. or penny. i figure im the penny of the group. except with smaller boobs and a better grasp of chemistry.

still. i'm thankful for so much. firstly, knowing that i can continue studying, that is a huge weight off my shoulders. secondly, for the results itself. admittedly, while it isnt amazing, it is pretty good, i guess. i think God has been very good to me lately. not like He isnt always but this is. wow, really I was expecting worse. so to the big guy up there, THANK YOU =)

i have a bunch of people to thank. my family, for really giving me the best support. for the late night calls corn, thanks walrus for the food, mum thanks for the cash, effjay and kikir thanks for taking over my chores, and mason ill find something to thank you with =P i love you guys

to the boyfriend/bestfriend, your presence alone made me want to study. thank you for the encouragement, the constant teaching. for putting up with the mood swings, and for being my driver and purse XD and of course for all the hugs. i love you

to the girlfriends. for the gossip, for being there to talk to all the time. for entertaining me all the time. i had a really good time despite studying. we should join the race thingy again. oh yeah, and for being my drivers also XD i should learn to drive. you will all be invited to my place in KL

to the guy friends. for mocking me, for listening to me, for the advice, for patiently (or not, in Josh's case) teaching me maths or chem, for making me laugh, for keeping me sane. thanks

and IS. thank you for the people i met. and for the hell i went through.

i think my results are not too bad now.

sad to think i'll be parting with you people by the end of this year.

toodles

tia

miss simple

2011-08-09T09:35:00.000+08:00

so there's this site i visit every day, allkpop.com

once you get into the kpop thing, it's very hard to come out. it's okay when it's just one band, but then you get sucked into the other things because. they're intriguing.

anyways, so the site i go to does music reviews. which i personally like because the music reviewer is always spot on about how i feel about the said album, single, mini-album. however fanatic fans are always on him because they claim he's too harsh and what not.

coming from one of the most rabid fan groups myself, i should be one of those. weirdly, i'm not blinded by their cute faces and oh-so-perfect physiques.

what i'm trying to say is. it's amusing and yet it is irritating when after i read a music review, all these fans attack the guy. it's mostly amusing for me because some of them are so delusional. but it gets irritating when they start saying the reviewer is too harsh. it doesnt seem harsh at all.

the reviews i have in mind is super junior's mr. simple album and big bang's seungri's solo mini-album earlier this year. all the fans who tried to defend their precious boys say such ridiculous things it makes them look shallow, stupid and delusional. i like super junior and while i wouldnt call myself a fan, i have my biases in the group. and the reviewer is right in saying mr simple sounds like a revised version of the ever popular sorry, sorry. even the dance moves are recycled. and yet the fans are flocking to the comments section of the article claiming THERE IS A HUGE DIFFERENCE in the two songs.

uh yeah. in sorry, sorry there was 13 members promoting, but only 12 performed.

in mr simple, there are 10 only.

and of course the title of the songs are different. HAHA.

and the lyrics.

the seungri thingy i cant say much cause im not big on big bang. but the fans were hilarious. they were accusing the reviewer of being SM biased and that the reviewer hates YG. he still gives 2NE1 good reviews =.=

kpop is so interesting. mainly due to the crazy fans

toodles

tia

omgomgomgomg

2011-08-04T09:47:00.000+08:00

i know people hate me for saying this but

the results are in a week.

if i was worried about my as results, i think i'm going to go crazy over my a2 results. this is really it. if my results are as ugly as douche's face i dont know what to do. i dont have any back ups. i cant stomach the thought of being forever dependent on my parents.

every time i think of the results i think of my chemistry papers. im afraid of seeing a giant C on my result slip. if i see it i might cry or jump off the building i work at.

please please please please please please please please please please please please please please

give me good results

toodles

tia

dear heart

2011-08-02T23:15:00.001+08:00

i'm sorry i'm coming undone

clap your hands

2011-08-01T09:14:00.000+08:00

i'm dog tired still from the Shopaholics Bazaar.

and i thought sitting here in the office without doing anything was boring. try waiting for customers. when people come it's not as boring. when there's none.

but i made profit. =D yay me

i went on tumblr and everyone there is buzzing about HoMin singing Toki wo Tomete at A Nation. frankly i'm not big on that. even though the homin stans are going on and on about how people should move on and they own the song and JYJ was the one who started it i think they're forgetting that the song was written for five. not two.

and homin fans are probably newbie fans from the KYHD period earlier this year.

sorry but n00bs should stay out of this. pisses me off. if you were a reall cassie, if you were a fan of the boys you'd have seen their chemistry. and you wouldnt want that broken.

wonderful way to start the week, fan wars. come home soon mum

toodles

tia

laughing out loud

2011-07-27T21:57:00.000+08:00

okay this is a bit mean but

i laughed when i saw this. so they know that otakus dont make friends easily. and yes theyre probably right in assuming they want to make friends.

but the fact remains that most otakus refuse to admit that they a) dont make friends easily and b) that they even want friends. so this thing is kind of an oxymoron. i found it so hilarious. it's like telling the otakus, "Yes, you need help. Come to us."

i instantly pictured a site kind of like the ancient friendster where everyone's picture will be their favourite anime. *cough* i did that too *cough*

ah wells. provided me comic relief at work.

toodles

tia

people

2011-07-18T15:20:00.000+08:00

and suddenly seeing familiar faces made me feel so much better.

it has been a rough couple of weeks. for once, this bitch is done with drama. honestly, i dont know why i felt better after seeing them.

i wish you would come back home so i dont have to deal with things alone. i miss you. home is never the same without you. it's selfish of me. it's unfair to you. and now, it is unfair to other people as well. it saddens me that living with each other will no longer be an option from now on.

one more thing. i am slowly opening this blog to the public once more. there will be an addition of readers. i estimate the blog will once more be public when i feel like i dont give a shit anymore when i post things like so and so is a bastard up and they come to screw me. sadly i cant help feeling that now i have not yet gotten over people i used to talk to screwing me.

toodles

tia

hmmmm

2011-07-18T09:12:00.000+08:00

if i dont like you i will make whatever excuse at ANY cost to get out of going out with you.

and if i like you, i will do whatever i can to go out with you. i will do whatever i can so that i can be with you physically. and no, this does not apply only to my boyfriend.

so if i havent been going out with you, if i have not even bothered to contact you then please. it probably means i dont want you in my life. if you have contacted me and i only spoke politely to you but didnt initiate or start sharing. then the same rule applies.

if, however, upon meeting or contact i began bitching and i offered goss.

if, however, i conversed with you the way i normally do.

then i want you in my life. and probably will always.

which leaves me with a select few people. i think i'm a sucky friend. if people actually want to go out with me, i shouldnt refuse. im squandering all my friends away, at this rate i'm going to end up alone one day. huh. why doesnt that scare the shit out of me? i think i've been reading too much Murakami. his characters are all often alone and by themselves.

but they always seem to be so lonely to me. like they actually want to be with someone.

hmmm. i feel like ive turned into one of his characters.

toodles

tia

p.s: i have a list of people i never talk about. it is a very short list, however, since IS it has actually increased. i'm amazed that i found people i respect and care about at that school

so i

2011-07-17T17:29:00.000+08:00

i'm writing again.

i think it's wonderful to be able to do that. to be able to sit and just write without a care in the world. so okay, minus the occasional food break i'm happy.

it is incredibly horrible. i havent written anything since before SPM so it's been almost two years. and the quality of my writing has gone downhill. however im pleased with the maturity corn said it contains. even if it is just. shizz that has almost no substance.

at least im trying this time. because my office hours are often boring and filled with nothing but endless clicking i'd rather be working on this. i might even accomplish the one thing i said i'd do this summer hols. I SO WANT TO SHOW PEOPLE WHAT I'VE WRITTEN. but it's complete rubbish and im afraid of what people might say. i'm not ready to show this to everyone the way i did when i was fifteen.

my muse back then. and maybe even now.

toodles

tia

whoa

2011-07-16T09:40:00.000+08:00

it's another saturday. and again i'm alone at the office.

maybe there IS no work today. but then again i'm glad i'm here. alone. i can write here. since i've finished my work and no one is giving me a task, i've gone back to writing.

granted its shit la. but at least i'm writing again.

anyways, this was about the 13th. my potter date with, SURPRISE, walrus and mum.

hilarious. it was their 20th anniversary and they were stuck with a bunch of hyperventilating kids (kikir and me) walrus was pissy and my mum was amused.

so i got off work early and we went to my mum's clinic. effjay and i went to play with the DDR machine but NO. some pros were there and then this total noob girl played so in the end we only played once. IF YOU NOOB OR ARE SHY TO PLAY THEN DONT PLAY LA. idiots.

walrus came, grumpy and late and then proceeded to suria, the whole time complaining about how there was no food there. and then he turned and BAM. hyatt.

i guess he has to keep up tradition. good food on anniversaries.

sadly kikir and i couldnt concentrate on the food. we wanted to be there early. didnt stop me from overeating though, so i couldnt eat popcorn. to quote sheldon, NO POPCORN? LISTEN TO YOURSELF.

my mum suggests walking to suria. okay fine crazy. because you can so lose whatever you ate right? we walk there and reach the cinema where kikirs cronies are waiting.

only to discover my mum forgot her glasses in the car.

=.=

being a good kid, effjay volunteered to run all the way back to hyatt and get them. and my mum said okay cause itll only take five minutes. not two minutes after she left did she say, "Your sister has been gone for so long im worried."

=.=

but all this made the Potter anticipation mount higher.

AND IT DID NOT DISAPPOINT.

i liked the parts which deviated from the book. and it made me cry, the part where they showed the dead people. also, surprisingly, when snape was mourning for Lily. the parts i hated was the ending because it was as cheesy as the book was and the fact that humor was very down played.

BUT I WAS HIGHLY SATISFIED.

wish i got to watch with corn though. i was beside sonia. she was too quiet. and kikir was too noisy.

i'd watch it again =D

toodles

tia

thought

2011-07-14T13:05:00.000+08:00

its really great being in a relationship. its better if you have a really good partner.

yes we drive each other insane with our bickering. we both have such different opinions, except when we discuss people. and yes we've spent most of the summer apart.

but when it gets down to real stuff you're always trying to make it work.

so yeah. we are currently squabbling again. and you've given me some sort of throat infection. regardless i still want to be with you.

yes i realise i dont normally post shit up. allow me

toodles

tia

one more

2011-07-11T08:43:00.000+08:00

so yesterday was mirabelles birthday. =D

shes one of the few people who have seen me at my worst and yet still sticks by me. and despite whatever anyone says about her, i love her almost as much as i love my convent gang.

we went to watch transformers (which was amazing in 3d but i didnt care much for the story line. jon kept nudging me asking me if i fell asleep. how could they replace megan fox? sucks) and then the guys killed me when we played Daytona. bitches.

and then jon and i sneaked off to buy mirabelle's birthday cake. we made the mistake of buying a candy baby to put on her cake. she spent the last bit of the night mauling it. truly disgusting. we had dinner at the pizza hut in gaya street. and then we were supposed to go to up2u but turns out i had to go home. work and a bunch of rugrats at home.

no im serious. my cousins came over so i had to go back.

it was such a pleasant evening. but i did miss on a gossip session with the convent gang =( maybe this week saturday instead.

and i also found a dead cat in front of my front door. it was black. yes a good start to the week.

toodles

tia

there is

2011-07-09T09:34:00.000+08:00

currently no one else in this office.

my uncle was here but then he left. probably to go get breakfast. still slacking. i notice the people here take random meal breaks and they take up almost two hours to eat. no kidding.

huh. guess i know why im here then. my dad wants me to report to him. im also sort of their conscience? but its not working, theyre still doing the same things. oh they also leave to go home whenever they want to. or when theyre done with their work. but still.

hmmm. i really dont know.

toodles

tia

300th post

2011-07-07T09:41:00.000+08:00

i dont get why everyone thinks im a bitch. or why my label is 'bitch'.

i dont mind being called that but ive always wondered why. because really. im a bit shy. even that sounds like a lie to myself =.= i AM reserved around new people.

why does it sound like im trying to convince myself?

anyways. definition of bitch

noun

1. a female dog

2. a female of canines generally

3. slang i.e a malicious, selfish, unpleasant woman

now im definitely not a female dog. for one, i dont have the urge to chase my non-existent tail. i also dont walk on all fours. and i dont eat raw meat. except sashimi and the like.

for number 2. see the above explaination.

number 3. malicious. lets see. when i try to say things as it is without sugar coating anything is that me purposely hurting someone? when i sugar coat my words is that not fake? selfish. yes i am. and i honestly think everyone is too, in their own ways. everyone is only looking out for themselves so isnt that the very definition of selfish?

as for unpleasant. well it depends on the present company. for the most part, friends will say their friend is pleasant, enemies will say otherwise.

maybe its because i sometimes just blurt things out. because i dont think before i talk. maybe its because i make it obvious when i dont like someone.

but really. why the label?

toodles

tia

why dont you tell me how to pretend everything is okay

2011-07-06T13:02:00.001+08:00

because i dont know how to convince myself it is

i felt

2011-07-04T12:20:00.000+08:00

like throwing up

i was shivering and i wanted to be anywhere but there. i wish i didnt have to hear anything. i wish i didnt have to see anything

i felt the walls around me crumble

toodles

tia

review

2011-07-02T10:03:00.000+08:00

a full review on my first day of work at my dad's travel agent office

my co-workers are almost all at least a decade older than me D= the only people close to my age is stanley and ronnie, stanley being my cousin so it doesnt count. and ronnie is some trainee.

being older, they're jokes are kinda. meh? and they all didnt treat me like boss' daughter which was the best part. except when they paid for my lunch. i thought i should be the one paying CAUSE you know, sucking up and all. but yeah.

im in sales meaning i have to go out and pitch ideas and stuff. i think la. all i did yesterday was research travel agents from overseas and get their contact details. dead boring la actually. but i cant complain got cash what. my direct boss is maria, who speaks english, malay and mandarin fluently but shes filipino i think. D= what the shiz. shes nice

sandra, who does the art stuff. loud and bubbly. shes very easy to talk to.

ferer, who does the money part. hes like an older - way older - brother. who mocks.

stanley, who helps ferer. and is too cute to be allowed. WHY ARE WE RELATED

and of course kurap man. my uncle who makes my life a living hell by mocking me about EVERY SINGLE GUY I SPEAK TO. yeah i dont know what he does

i work closely to them but theres more working somewhere in the office that i havent been introduced to.

this morning i came at nine and maria, who has the key, wasnt here yet. so stanley and i went to drink and he texted her. whatever he texted her it pissed her off and she came like ten minutes later and started yelling at him in the coffee shop

everywhere i go got drama. and its only been a day XD

and nao. to work.

toodles

tia

office girl

2011-07-01T10:18:00.000+08:00

officially working nao

D= it is. honestly. very boring. my first hour is very VERY boring. see how many times i used the word BORING? thats how bored i am

i cant complain. its like easy work and easy pay i guess.

toodles

tia

but you must remember

2011-06-27T17:23:00.000+08:00

that i did not make up anything, and i only said what was true

therefore. screw me all you want, but i told the truth and nothing else. hate me for pushing reality in your face? live with it. you're growing up and you need to take some shit for all the shit youve been pumping out.

toodles

tia

love

2011-06-19T19:28:00.000+08:00

because all the nice pictures are in your phone =P

one year. omg. how did we even?

you're an amazing guy. through our ups and downs ive learnt to completely trust you. you were there every time i needed someone to abuse or talk to.

=) happy one year anniversary love

toodles

tia

oh dont you worry

2011-06-14T22:29:00.000+08:00

prom pictures will be up shortly. right now it is time to rant.

so right, im having my period. which means back ache, stomach cramps and zero tolerance for bullshit. and i went to help my grandma harvest veggies.

then walrus asks me to carry a wakid. thats a harvesting backpack for kadazans. its made of wood and without anything inside on its own it weighs quite a bit. so usually i dont mind cause my grandma is super tiny. but today was just bad cause my back was acting up.

so i said, 'i cant la, i got my period.'

and he said, 'what difference does that make?'

what difference does it make? WHAT? its fucking painful la. Y U ASK SUCH A STUPID QUESTION?

guys should try this at least once. getting a full on stomach cramp and a back ache and then walking up a hill. with a heavy backpack.

actually just for guys to have to go through period would be good. the discomfort we have to go through every single freaking month. the panic and then worry that we might leak. the pain is secondary to that.

thus, since girls go through all this pain, i think it is fairly justified why GUYS PAY FOR GIRLS. we have to give birth and the like. so yeah i think its fair that guys pay for girls when they go out. and if the guy cant pay in the first place, then why bother going out? either dont get a girlfriend or tell your girlfriend you cant. can stay in and make out all the time.

feels better. ahhh

toodles

tia

pre grad and graduation

2011-06-13T20:41:00.000+08:00

the pre-grad bbq people

brandon's burger

corn and sam gossiping without me

between two geniuses

sam cant beat my heels =P

tall people

gay people

shark boy and kadazan girl

i like this picture XD

hehehehehe

my hoe

kepoh

gossip buddies

jons XD

the other group of guys

toodles

tia

XD

2011-06-13T10:43:00.000+08:00

all in all one of the most memorable weekends.

started it off with the barbecue at michelle's house where some noob ruined expensive meat =P and watched the guys play Halo because we couldnt set up the Wi.

and then it was graduation. i cant quite believe that im no longer a student at IS, as shitty as it was. no sense of loss or any of that bull, i have no attachments to that place. wont have to see the shitbag's face anymore either, definite plus. went through the whole graduation feeling sleepy. it was also raining so the mood kinda. ruined.

then it was back home for mason's baptism. and there goes all my pagan jokes. but i felt really happy - for some weird reason - that he finally got baptized and he received his Holy Communion. i still have jokes to make, his being a complete ass makes that easy.

sunday was the thanksgiving party. it was okay i guess, meeting all the aunts and uncles and cousins. what was not okay was my mum telling everyone i had a boyfriend already. no it does not mean she approves, she just wanted to embarrass me. so the whole day my cousins would ask about it and my aunts would ask me who it was and the like. one of the aunts gave me a book even. the title: DATING THE CHRISTIAN WAY. and im like WTF what nonsense is this?

finally prom. jon picked me up and we arrived at STAR kind of late-ish. made one heck of an entrance and then went in to get the worse seats in the whole place. this year got a lot of entertainment [and drama] so it was okay i guess. didnt bore me out. i couldnt go out afterwards because my mum had a panic attack when all her calls went to my voicemail. ITS NOT MY FAULT THAT MY PHONE IS FUCKED UP OKAY?

and thats that.

heres an overused line; this is not the ending, only the beginning.

i feel that way. although everything seems to be ending, it is really only the beginning. when my results come in august, i could be leaving or staying. okay in truth whatever happens ill be leaving anyway because i cant stand staying here with my parents. however, i dont want to go to some shit uni, and i dont want shit results.

what about jon?

i dont have a back up plan either. its nottingham or nothing.

i dont know anything. im afraid that i will be left behind and i wont be filthy rich by the time im 30 like i planned.

still, its the holidays so im not going to bog my own mood down with this.

toodles

tia

ps: photos in next post

incredible

2011-06-07T10:29:00.000+08:00

im missing you already. this is kind of sick but i miss you so very badly

take care of yourself baby

toodles

tia

dont turn your back on me

2011-06-06T19:07:00.000+08:00

well hello there. all ive done since my bio paper was slack.

currently watching autumn in my heart, finished downloading big bang theory still halfway done with how i met your mother. and i havent gone to look for a dress yet. i dont think i have time =(

jon will be leaving for hong kong tomorrow ='( and i havent been out with him at all since our papers finished. its very frustrating. he came over to say goodbye and we just sat in the car talking for almost an hour. thats how pathetically sad we are.

and after the holocaust i think ill be looking into the 1995 tokyo gas attack. one of the murakami books jon bought me was underground, which is a series of interviews with a handful of the survivors of the gas attack. its actually super freaky, i couldnt sleep after reading it. i was deadly afraid that the aum would come to kk and try something like that.

which would be hilarious. we dont even have a subway.

really really good stuff. its a bit sick i guess but i really dig books about these kind of things. not that im planning on doing stuff like that one day its just fascinating. how could they even think of pulling things off like that? and then theres the guilt. i suppose guilt is secondary and what not.

CORN COUNTDOWN TICKING

toodles

tia

fuck yeah

2011-06-01T21:39:00.000+08:00

its over

went out with shark boy and kakak. trolled around 1B with them listening to their nonsense and not realizing until very much later that it was all over.

no more having to plan a ridiculous schedule to fit in four past year paper sets done. no more horrible food. no more state library. eternal slacking, for at least a month or so depending on if i get a job or not.

fast 5 was good, according to shark and derek. OH YEAH met apple and nazri. how come everyone seemed to be sleepy? well i was la.

anyways. im going to reactivate my facebook account, finish the books jon bought for me and post pictures of our cook off tomoro.

but now, bed awaits me

toodles

tia

haters be hating

2011-05-30T16:59:00.000+08:00

going to open this blog to public again soon

which would be kinda. dumb? but i dont care. im glad you haters take time out of your lives to read my shit here. i know who you are. why dont you say stuff to my face instead of doing it like a coward?

you need to get a life. if all you can do is write shit in what you think is english then you should consider taking english lessons and perhaps a class where they teach you some manners. its on me. i would say plastic surgery too but id rather stuff my own boobs with silicon pads before i pay for your face.

if youre going to do shit again, i assure you ive got shit prepared for you too. so be my guest.

you really shouldnt mess with a bitch. im not afraid of people talking, they already talk as it is. so yeah, bring it

toodles

tia

say i dont want to

2011-05-28T11:27:00.000+08:00

i suddenly miss everyone who used to be a huge part of my life.

is this what its going to be like? meeting new people, forming bonds and then having to leave them? i can write down the names of every single person who i became close to at least once before

and how many of them actually stays in contact with me? how many of them have i actually tried calling up? i cant say what id actually like to say

but i wish i could

toodles

tia

my name is angela hey hello

2011-05-27T18:16:00.000+08:00

studied for bio and finished like three past year papers in four hours O.O of course those were the earlier ones. dammit i shouldve been born earlier.

as it turns out, im not gaining any weight at all. i weighed myself and im less than 49 kg. its kind of sad, i cant gain weight and when i want to lose it, it isnt easy either.

exams will be over so very soon. and then my life will be without meaning. frivolous days just hanging out with friends, going shopping with corn, dating with him. such is my boring life.

cant wait

toodles

tia

nearer

2011-05-23T20:03:00.000+08:00

my plan is to eat whatever i want and then exercise my ass off when my exam is over.

then maybe i might have boobs and legs. the hair will just have to wait, lols.

toodles

tia

your heart is empt6y

2011-05-18T19:27:00.000+08:00

everyone seems to think that i told my boyfriend to stop talking to this girl.

lets call her A.

so every once in a while i get people asking me, he stopped talking to A because you made him kan? and what sucks is that the people who ask me are the people who are supposedly close to me

its bull la. i never once said, Jon you are forbidden from speaking to A. i never said YOU CAN NO LONGER BE FRIENDS WITH HER.

i was uncomfortable with her at first i admit. but i got over it. some misunderstanding came up between them and then A yelled at jon because of me.

and i apologized to her. i texted her twice. if anything SHE didnt say anything back. so who is the one seemingly mean?

i guess my rep as a bitch surpasses the masses and even my own friends think id screw any girl who was close to my boyfriend.

bio paper 5 was okay.

toodles

tia

laughing

2011-05-09T19:47:00.000+08:00

studying at the is library is a bit odd. it can be very productive and it can also be the opposite.

today was one of the productive days. but it was also boring. and really really. gnirob. yes boring backwards because thats the only way i can put it.

until jon wong came up to us and went. IM THE LIBRARIAN FOR THREE MINUTES.

whispered of course

and then jon said, really?

to which jon wong shouted YES I OWN THE LIBRARY.

i swear like all hell broke loose. ah choy climbed on the counter, derek ran behind the counter and started shushing everyone while jon started dancing like an idiot in the middle. of course everyone else was laughing and talking LOUDLY.

what can i say? ms leong is kinda. bitchy when she wants to be.

it was hilarious. the waiting for ms leong to come back. all of them being complete asses, which proves physics really does addle ones brains.

and the moment they realised she was coming back.

poof, back to our seats.

AS STARTED TODAY. GOOD LUCK ALL OF YOU =D

and of course good luck me, next week i start.

toodles

tia

you can buy all the make up that MAC can make

2011-05-04T20:06:00.001+08:00

i honestly dont think it was fair.

not like our school was so good but our story was real. its sibling rivalry, WHO hasnt experienced that? unless of course you're an only child. but yeah. whateves.

meanwhile. too dramatic? last i check, this is a drama competition. means you bring the drama. and if gots too swag and drama, take a look at your winner. a fighting scene? violence and murder? thats a whole lot more dramatic than a jealous sibling.

at least. if we were going to lose. let us lose to. i dont know. a more deserving school? OH DONT GET ME WRONG YOU GUYS TOTALLY DESERVE TO WIN. but. i dont know, from what i gather, all saints seemed more deserving. and la salle. pisses me off. it felt rigged. maybe this is me being a sore loser. but if you saw the way they performed their hearts out.

URGH.

have a mega mac. cheers you up

ah screw it. gonna go study bio instead

toodles

tia

p.s: la salle guys were so nice to the kids. =)

hurgh

2011-05-02T23:22:00.000+08:00

all my sins have come for me

because i have been a bitch, a terrible daughter, a mean friend and so many other things. my lower left abdomen is hurting. like period cramps only my period isnt due for a while.

and they dont usually come at one point only. i dont know i cant remember.

in f-ing pain

toodles

tia

with a kiss on the side my face

2011-04-27T22:55:00.000+08:00

and not to mention

drank too much

feeling all over

out of touch

i need intervention

attention to stop temptation to scream

cause baby

everything is F'ed up straight from the heart

tell me what do you

when it all falls apart?

gotta pick myself up where do i start

cause i cant turn to you

when it all falls apart

jeremiah 29:11

For I know what my plans for you are, plans to save you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and to give you hope

toodles

tia

TIC TAC TOE

2011-04-26T22:08:00.001+08:00

tic tac toe?

emeh nerd satan tia

presents

preloved stuff

click click click click

you know you want to

baldy

2011-04-26T20:12:00.000+08:00

my new shampoo and conditioner. hopefully can help my hair or else l'll just shave my head and go around wearing a wig.

i seriously would. can regrow back my hair. NATALIE PORTMAN did it also what.

currently on repeat. JON DONT YOU THINK THEYRE SEXY?

oh yah. for those kpop skeptics, they sing PRIMARILY in english. they're looking to go to america. explains the kinda. slutty factor. but seriously catchy la the song

toodles

tia

edit: OH NOS OH NOS OH NOS. i just googled my shampoo and the general opinion is it smells fantastic but it doesnt really do much strenghtening. T.T

observation

2011-04-24T17:50:00.000+08:00

boyfriends say to their girlfriends;

we will only be over when you dont want to be with me

not like im so super kepoh until i find this out from a lot of girls currently dating. but i happen to know one or two girls whoes boyfriends have said that

and yet in the end. its always the girl who gets hurt =.=

ah well

love is in the air =) happy easter

toodles

tia

high waisted shorts

2011-04-22T10:41:00.000+08:00

i want them. i use to want the tight ones only but now i want the baggy ones.

the baggy ones look more comfy. and i want them in colour D=

im feeling lazy and unmotivated to study. seeing as both my parents want me to go to different places to continue studying and they havent decide makes me feel like just not giving a shit.

i say one thing and they both say two different other. when one supports me the other doesnt. and both of them constantly do things behind my back etc signing me up for scholarships or into schools ive never even heard of.

makes me feel like. who cares about my studies? its so much hassle, i'm better off as a shop girl *puke**gag*

i wish they would decide once and for all where im going. i dont really mind WHERE as long as i wont be in malaysia for another year. okay la, not malaysia, sabah.

i suddenly miss this.

off to study

toodles

tia

from korea with love

2011-04-18T18:47:00.000+08:00

so walrus came back from Korea without my iphone. BUT he did get me the SPECIAL EDITION OF JYJ's THE BEGINNING =D

I LOVE YOU WALRUS

bart says hello to church

my pose like very off, havent SS-ed in forever. world needs me to SS =P

yes that is my come hither pose. *snigger*

how i get my kicks these days

dont you think lolcats is funny?

results so far: passed all. but wtf is a pass compared to an A? ngh

toodles

tia

something to chew on

2011-04-16T19:23:00.000+08:00

literally i am chewing on movie popcorn because i like it.

but the title

these past few days i have been the pissiest grumpiest meanest i have ever been this year. im also mean but i feel like the past week my comments became even more sharper and meaner than i intended. PMS i think but also due to stress. I CAN SAY IT'S STRESS because my hair is falling out. mum says sure sign of stress.

the point is. ive been taking it all out on my boyfriend. like screwing him la, purposely trying to make him mad [dont know why i do it] and then making him apologize when i know its my fault. abusing him a lot.

and yet he's so nice and hes still with me T.T makes me want to cry. after fighting he still came to pick me up from convent today so i dont have to walk to the library.

he does a lot for me and i [honestly think] sometimes take all of this for granted. i dont want to have to go through a break up and then only realize that i didnt appreciate him enough or whatever *cough* at least if we decide to end things id rather it be because we lost feelings for each other ka or whatever.

therefore. IM SORRY BABY. i'll try to be nicer to you

moving on.

that day like a whole bunch of people pissed me off. in one go. of course it could be that i was being extremely hormonal but i was still pissed. so go fug yourselves.

what i found so hilarious was that those four people who managed to turn me into a mini dragon was that they all had one thing in common.

THEY DIDNT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THEIR STUDIES

maybe im wrong, cant simply assume that. but their vibes were all like that.

why would such a small thing piss me off?

because i was trying to study for the ridiculous bio paper the next day.

one git kept harping on me to help write stuff. big hint already who

another git came to the library because git number three was supposedly coming. then kena stood up go disturb people again. HELLO DO I LOOK LIKE I WAS MADE FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE? never even pay me for teaching you so many times.

git number three told me she was proud of git number two because git number two was bugging me. i beg your pardon git number three, he was NOT BUGGING. bugging is not annoying. HE WAS DISTURBING THE HECK OUT OF ME.

git number four was just being a nosy, pompous busybody trying to act like it knows everything. i say it because if i say if it was a he or a she you would know who it is. so it is an IT.

so weird i never thought studying could affect me like that.

so yeah thats about it. havent blogged properly in a while. going to start posting more pictures cause someone told me that i was more wordy and i seem like i have something to hide in my blog. like WTF?

but since its a rant post, no pictures.

toodles

tia

p.s: my ielts score was 8. without lessons i tell you. jon got 8.5 and our total difference was only .5. -.- damnnnnn

execution

2011-04-13T20:08:00.000+08:00

last two papers were today. feeling nauseated and scared.

to sum up, bio paper 4 was impossible paper 5 was uncertain. chem paper 4 was okay, paper 5 was screwed up. maths paper 3 im definitely failing paper 7 was okay

im scared i wont pass any subject. im worried that i cant pull this together. and im exhausted, my efforts seem to be going to waste. if i dont do so well for the trials the real thing. urgh i cannot even begin to think about how bad my results will be.

anyways enough of this. we went to eat at the manhatten fish market cause there was some student thing. not going back - EVER. had to wait for almost an hour by which time everyone had already gotten really hungry and we were contemplating leaving for mcdonalds. so conclusion, if things are cheap theres probably a reason why

toodles

tia

hair loss

2011-04-10T22:00:00.001+08:00

my new haircut has done wonders for my split ends. but it has highlighted the fact that i am losing hair. ~~im going to end up like baldy~~

ive been complaining about this for so long and ive tried a lot of things. only to discover they were ALL wrong. =.= seriously. i feel like whacking myself.

i used to have super thick hair. then i got into layering and what not. and in form five i abused my hair to no end. i'd curl it then straighten it then curl and spray and ohmigod. my split ends were horrendous and i lost a lot of hair.

fyi: when you use a curling tong or a straightening iron, you lose hair. it gets stuck, the toold tug at your hair.

so i cut it short at the end of 2009. and it momentarily became thicker.

then i began straightening it again. and using a lot of hair products. and i began super layering it again. for all my 'i dont want to be a chink' talk, i layer my hair just as much as chinks do. and the latest hair cut just highlights that.

plus my split ends are back.

so i bought dove's shampoo to treat hairfall. since it seemed really good and all.

BUT. my mums hairdresser told me

i should go organic.

and that conventional shampoos make things worse. sometimes.

and its true. if i run a hand through my hair something must follow T.T

so i'm going organic. good God waste oh all my efforts

toodles

tia

trial and error

2011-04-09T23:26:00.001+08:00

trials have started. pain in the ass oh seriously.

think i did reasonably okay for Chem, not so with stats. I need to work on Hypothesis Testing. and im afraid as hell for bio. theres so much to read and catch up on and stuff.

i have no mood for anything. im high on studying an i cant wait for after A2 activities. im going to lock myself in my room and sleep. im going to go out with the boyfriend everyday. im going to work. im going to write.

although writing is a lot more hellish than studying. funny thing though, you enjoy it more. 48 hours without sleep and food - sounds appealing to me

toodles

tia

OH YOU KNOW WHAT

2011-04-07T00:06:00.000+08:00

it so annoys me that suddenly everyone is so into Katy Perry's E.T

i mean. i knew that song long before everyone started going gaga over it. and in my honest opinion the song sucks. i know its for russell brand and all. but it sucks.

quite frankly, i expected her next follow up to be The One That Got Away or Hummingbird Heartbeat.

but thumbs up for the effects in the video

toodles

tia

ATTN ATTN

2011-04-06T20:51:00.000+08:00

CANDY IS BACK =D

it was really. really. expensive. the price kind of. well it didnt give me a shock but it made me consider becoming a vet. HAHAHA. not.

she isnt as boisterous and as noisy as she used to be. like she used to be such an annoying little thing, always jumping up and down to get my attention. and she never stops yapping. but she came home today and she was all quiet and moody.

all she wanted to do was sleep. so i took a nap with her in my room because wish and woolly wanted to bully her. she lost weight =( and shes shedding fur excessively. and she hasnt barked at all. it bothers me a lot. im afraid she wont go back to normal ='(

im glad that shes safe and sound. and healthy

toodles

tia

='(

2011-04-03T17:12:00.001+08:00

candy was hospitalized this morning